Mike Hum Burns Your Eyes (White Elephant Gifts: Bad Christmas Books)

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Mike Hum Burns Your Eyes: An Adult Parody About Hot Sauce That Is 100% About Hot SauceMike Hum loves to shoot, always scores, loves to blow, gives big birthday surprises, and if you are not careful, Mike Hum burns your eyes. He has chunky chowder. Fresh cream always flows. He loves to blast with massive payloads. Mike Hum can be spunky, and with too much alcohol he will taste funky. He likes you shaved. He likes to rest in deep dark caves. And if you want more of Mike Hum, just give his handle a jiggle. This is a book about a condiment. A hot sauce condiment. Named Mike Hum. The author would like that on the record.Where Mike Hunt was a fisherman and Mike Hum is a bottle of hot sauce, Brad Gosse has now established that the Mike name format is a renewable creative resource he intends to exploit indefinitely. Mike Hum Burns Your Eyes is illustrated in a looser, goofier style than the Hunt books, which somehow makes the whole thing worse in the best possible way. The chunky chowder page alone justified the entire production budget. We are not going to explain the chunky chowder page.This Book Is For You If...You read Mike Hum likes you shaved and nodded like that made complete sense to youYou are a hot sauce enthusiast who has been waiting for representation in adult parody literatureYou want a gift that requires the recipient to sit with it for a full three seconds before reactingYou own the Mike Hunt books and feel that a bottle of hot sauce was the logical next stepYou need something that works equally well as a gag gift and a sincere expression of your personalityThis Book Is NOT For You If...You expected a book called Mike Hum to be about something entirely different and you are annoyedYou have a genuine sensitivity to spicy food and this is hitting differently than you anticipatedYou are building a case against Brad Gosse and need this book to be actually offensive to do itYou feel that fresh cream always flows is a sentence that should not exist in printYou are a hot sauce brand manager and you have concerns about this representation of the categoryPerfect Occasions for This BookBachelorette parties, because Mike Hum has a handle and the book is very clear about what to do with itBirthdays for the person who already has every Mike Hunt title and needs something newWhite elephant exchanges where you want to win on sheer commitment to the bitA gift for the hot sauce obsessive in your life who deserves to be called out about itAny occasion where the phrase chunky chowder needs to be read aloud in a room full of peopleLook, Just Get the Stupid BookThis costs about as much as an actual bottle of hot sauce and lasts considerably longer. Mike Hum Burns Your Eyes will be read aloud. Someone will do the voices. The gargle and dribble page will cause a reaction you cannot predict but can absolutely look forward to. Fresh cream always flows will be said at dinner. You will not be able to stop it.Brad Gosse named a hot sauce bottle Mike Hum and wrote a full illustrated book around it and here you are reading the description. Whatever you thought your afternoon was going to be, this is what it became. Buy the book. Jiggle the handle. Let Mike Hum do the rest. Read more